Day 6

Today I was due to start work at 11am, however I went in for 9 so I could spend a couple of hours working on my assignment.  Considering I haven't really read any of the coursework I think I'm going to do OK on it =).

Better Day Today

Work was a lot better today, it was nice and relaxing, I got to catch up with a colleague I don't get to see very often and was able to just get on with my work.  During lunch I got to sit outside in the garden enjoying the sunshine.  The only downside was a few messages from a "friend" but we'll get to that later.

There's Only So Much I Can Do

After work I called into the shopping centre on the way home and stopped by the coffee shop for a medium cinnamon latte and a bacon and cheese toastie.  I must have sat for about an hour just chilling and people watching.  Although this isn't anything amazing and most people do it regularly, for me it's a treat.  I love just sitting back without a care and watching the world go by.

So, these messages...

I have this "friend" a person I know who is really struggling through life.  He has some health problems that is stopping him from getting on with his life.  This is causing him to lash out a lot at the people he comes in contact with.  His family have turned their backs on him, his friends have all took a step back, he has no job and is struggling to pay his way in life.

He has asked me if he can rent my spare room out but I've had to say no.  Although I want to help him and I hate seeing somebody suffer I know that would make my life a lot harder and that he is the cause of some of my problems.  However, I have let him spend a few nights here and there to keep him warm, comfortable and fed.

We got into a bit of an argument today, he believes that because I'm not in the same physical pain that he is then there is no reason for me to feel bad, that my depression isn't real and I'm not allowed to get upset over any of the bad that has happened in my life.

I'm not sure what I'm supposed to do.  I want to help him but at the same time I know it's dragging me down.  Sometimes I feel like he can't be helped =(

Day 4

A little disappointed in myself today.  I knew work was going to be a struggle due to where I was working and who I was working with and although I was determined not to spend my day complaining and my colleagues I'm afraid to say I failed miserably.

Before the Doors Opened

Before we even opened the doors to let the public in the negativity started.  There were 3 members of staff in today and all of us have been having problems with another person at work, this unfortunately makes it very difficult to not get caught up in complaining about said person.

As the day went on and more and more complaints were getting thrown around I found myself getting a bit of a stress headache and worrying about going into work tomorrow since I will be working with the person we all seem to have a problem with.

Time to Relax

After work it was time for my bath with essential oils to help me relax.  Unfortunately this didn't work as well as it usually does.  Not only am I still stressing over work tomorrow but I am still annoyed with myself for getting caught up in all the bad of the day.

Conclusion

Today I feel like I have taken a step back, however I am still determined to keep trying.  I know it will be difficult and it will take some time to get out of my bad habits and to stop letting what others say and do affect me in a negative way but I believe I have the strength to do it.

Day 2

Very lazy day today.  I didn't get any sleep last night so spent most of the day in bed.

I completed one of my assignments towards my degree and posted it off to my tutor to be mark.  Fingers crossed I did well =0P.

After that I decided there wasn't much point in getting ready so I slipped back into my pjs and snuggled into bed to watch some more movies and listen to music.

I got an email with a link to a news website late tonight, it showed a story about an old boyfriend of mine.  It wasn't a nice story, in fact he is in a lot of trouble with the police.  However, instead of being angry, disgusted or even shocked at what was in front of me, I simply read the story and felt a sense of calm.  Definitely an improvement from somebody who would have kicked off and gossiped about it a few weeks ago.

Tomorrow is my first day back at work since I decided I was going to improve my life and I am a little nervous about it.  Although I love my job it is full of negativity.  Everyone is complaining about something (myself included), people are backstabbing each other and everybody is worried about their employment future.

However, I  am determined to stay positive!